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Crimson - Chapter 4 (Vincent Valentine x Reader)

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Chapter IV - Truth Uncovered



  That’s okay, Vincent… I am sorry too… I didn’t mean to hurt you either. But I did, and I did so heartlessly. Will you forgive me, Vincent? Will you forgive me?

   You wanted to apologize, but you simply couldn’t… you were afraid. Not from him though… his touch did not frighten you. It was rather comforting, soothing in an addictive way. You didn’t want to grow dependent on this hypnotizing feeling, because some other voice existed deep within, convincing you that you were not deserving of this man’s kindness. His attempt of calming you down had somehow failed at achieving its object – you have never felt so culpable, so remorseful. Should you keep quiet about it and pretend that nothing has happened? No, you couldn’t. You had to speak about it; you had to say something, to apologize, to at least rationalize your reactions from that previous conversation with Vincent.

   But how to? What to say? What words could fix the damages that have been caused? You knew well that no words and no tears could justify your unintentional yet precipitate behavior, but you couldn’t gloss over this matter.

“How many times would you forgive?” You asked him out of the blue.

“It depends… on the one who has wronged me.” He answered.

“What if that person who had wronged you was the most stupid, irritating, selfish and horrible being who has ever lived?”

   He kept quiet for a moment before answering your question with another: “Whom are you referring to?”

   You heaved a sigh: “Me. How many times would you forgive me?”
“Endless times, I guess.”

   You winced at Vincent’s utterance and pulled yourself out of his touch, walking couple of steps farther from him. Your feet came to a halt as you have reached the front of the wooden door, then you whispered: “Endless… times?”

   “Do you think it’s impossible?”

   You shook your head slightly: “I… I’m sure that you are willing to forgive. But… my actions cannot be forgiven, Vincent… not even by you.”

   He gazed at you for a while; even with your back facing him, he was able to study the troubled feelings that you weren’t able to reveal. He thought quietly before uttering: “Alright… I’ve noticed from the beginning the uncertainty in your eyes; but I didn’t want to force the words out of you. May I now ask what is going on?”

   You turned around slowly in order to face him, but your eyes were still avoiding his. He had asked you to tell him whatever dwelt in your heart; however, you weren’t ready to approach him with your words of apologies.

   Vincent, anyhow, was patient. He let his crimson eyes settle on yours, attempting to read the agony behind that thick layer of crystal-pure tears that had coated your orbs. He closed his eyelids knowingly for a short period of time before he looked at you again saying: “I know not what is going on into your mind… but if it’s a feeling of guilt, then here’s an advice: stop blaming yourself for every single thing.” He sure did not have the ability to read your thoughts, but his finger had successfully pointed at the thing that was haunting you; yes, guilt. How would I not feel that guilt? He was hurt… by none other than me. ‘You know nothing about love!’ How could I say such a thing?! How could I judge him so heartlessly?! Why am I such a fool?!

   No longer able to hold them back, you let your tears flow down your rosy cheeks and you brought your hands up to wipe your watery eyes. You hated it so much when you cried in front of people – you usually didn’t – but why couldn’t you stop crying right then? You heard the rustling of Vincent’s clothes that followed his steady movements when he stepped closer to you, wondering about the cause behind your bitterness. You didn’t wish him to see your crying face up close, so before he was about to place his caring hand on your shoulder, you sniffed: “Why didn’t you tell me?”

   “What?”

   “Why didn’t you say something?!”

   He didn’t know how to answer; he was simply perplexed: “I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

   A heavy and pregnant silence wedged itself between the two of you, a silence that kept you at unease for what felt like long and countless hours, although it lasted for nothing more than few moments. Your senses were suddenly agitated as you felt Vincent’s strong hand taking hold of your shoulder. “_______?” You placed your gentle hand over his gloved one and asked with a broken voice: “Why didn’t you tell me the truth?”

   “What truth?”

   Your hand that was resting on his slowly pulled away from its position and dropped to your side. Even the slightest hint of compassion that his hand was displaying was too much for you to bear. You knew that he was not going to approve of your uncovering his secret, but you have got to put an end to this agony… you had to set things straight.

   You let a shivering sigh escape your mouth then you spoke mutely: “Lucrecia.”

   The moment her name has fell from between your lips, you could feel his hand suddenly clenching on your shoulder before he pulled it away quickly and receded few steps backwards. The clacking that his metal boots made as they had their contact with the wooden floor was not as stable and steady as it would usually be, as if he was slightly stumbling while moving away from you. You lifted your eyes to look at him and you saw an uncommon shock overlaying his pale face. You swallowed a nervous gulp into your throat, although you had in fact foreseen that this reaction of his was undoubtedly going to take place. “How… did you…?!” he muttered.

   In spite of him being farther from you than he was moments ago, you could still feel and hear his breath increasing in tenseness and speed, utterly caught off-guard by that single word that has emerged from your mouth. He slowly but uncontrollably shook his head, in attempt to convince himself that whatever you have said was none but some figment of his imagination.

   He turned his head slightly to look from the tip of his eye at the corner where the pile of books was… that’s when he clenched his fists tightly, and you felt your heart skipping a beat upon hearing his gauntlet making an ominous creaking sound as its claws entwined into a firm grip. He then closed his eyes and tried to regain control over the unstable rhythm of his breathing: “You didn’t… just…” he mumbled in a low tone that was sufficient to set the shiver down your spine. “I… I…” you were completely tongue-tied. What could you say?

   “Wh… why? Why did you…?”

   “I’m… I’m so sorry!” you whimpered. You didn’t mean to probe into his private life, but there was something about him that had drawn you in, causing you to break down the same infrangible wall that you had built between yourself and him. “I… I didn’t mean to. I was just… I… I didn’t know that, among these books, I would find… that letter…” You burst out crying, hiding your eyes behind your quivering hands. “I’m sorry, Vincent!”

   “How much do you know… about this?” He asked.

   “Nothing… I know nothing!” You halted for a while, hesitating to bring up what you were very certain of. But then you found yourself talking to him again: “All I know is…that… that… Love letter… you… you wrote it for her…” He took another step backwards as you went on saying: “You… you loved her… didn’t you?”

   “Nonsense!” He said and turned away, his back facing you now. Why was he trying so hopelessly to deny what was absolutely crystal clear? The heartfelt emotions which he has poured into the beautiful words that he had addressed to that woman were a pure manifestation of nothing less than love. You didn’t know that pretty woman called Lucrecia, and you didn’t know Vincent that much either… but you could sense the strong link that had joined these two together, a wonderful bond that you weren’t much unaccustomed to. But again, why is he renouncing it?

   “Vincent… you love her, right? You love… Lucreci-…”

   “Don’t you even say her name!” He said in a low growl, still facing the other way. “Don’t have her name slip off your tongue again.”

   You took in a quick gasp after receiving his command, and you could swear you had goose bumps all over your body. Why? You wanted to ask, but you were too afraid to do so. A short silence then followed before he began saying with a monotonous voice: “You shouldn’t have read it.”

   “I know… I know I shouldn’t… but if… if I hadn’t… then I… I wouldn’t have realized the gravity of what I have done!”

   “What are you talking about?”

   “I have judged you unfairly… I thought that you’d never understand the way I felt. My heart was so blinded with all that pain and agony of mine… that I didn’t even leave place for the thought that you… that you could… feel compassion for me… because… you know exactly, and more than everybody else, how Love feels like.”

   “_______.”

   “Vincent… your letter… although I didn’t have the right to read it… I truthfully couldn’t ignore the many feelings that you have put into it. All of your emotions, despite of how sweet and loving they were, they dawned on me like burning fire… they thrust through me like frigid ice. Your words… were so sincere… I could feel them. I’m certain that many people may claim that their love is true, but your words would put them to shame… you’d prove them all to be nothing but a bunch of liars… All of them… including me.”

   “Enough already.” He requested with his usual low voice.

   “No! I want you to know that I am truly sorry. Everything that I’m saying now is pointless, I know… I want you to understand though that all the words that I’ve said yesterday were not coming out of my heart… I didn’t really mean them; but still, I know that this would not justify my actions. I was acting so childishly! I knew that I was unfair with you… but now, after reading your letter, I have found myself not only unfair… but also… I… I broke your heart… I was so… cruel…”

   “Stop it.”

   “I’m so sorry! I beg of you…” You bowed with a fast movement and you shot your eyes closed, causing the fluid gems of yours to drop down unto the wooden floor. “Please Vincent, please forgive my stupidity. I’ve been nothing but a nuisance to you… so I… I promise, I won’t bother you anym-…”

   “Enough!” He finally said in an imposing voice. “You were not supposed to know about this…” He escaped a heavy sigh while pressing the fingers of his right hand against his temple: “I shouldn’t have brought you here…”

   His words fell upon you like the thunder that strikes during a tempestuous night; but you couldn’t reprehend him for what he had said… he was right. However, you truthfully wouldn’t have intended to offend or provoke him in any way possible. Like seriously, who’d have known that you’d circumstantially reveal Vincent’s long-buried love by the simple act of turning a page of an old notebook?! Yet still, you couldn’t accept that thought as an excuse, and you couldn’t stop convincing yourself that you were at fault.

   You stood back up and pleaded him, with your face still bent downwards: “Vincent… please… give me a chance to…”

   “_______...” he cut you off. “Leave me alone.”

   “But, Vincent!”

   “Drop it.”

   “All I ask of you is to forgive me! Please!”

   “_______.” He hesitated for a second, wanting to turn around and face you, but then he forcibly managed to keep your crying face out of his sight. “You have the freedom to leave.” He said in a seemingly heartless manner.

   You stood there, staring at his back… no matter how much you had wanted to go back home before you started this little conversation with Vincent… you didn’t feel like going anywhere that very moment. How could you leave him like this and simply walk away?! “But I…”

   “Go _______!” He ordered firmly, but his voice soon sank into a barely-heard and broken plea: “Go away.”

   You could feel your heart stopping a moment there, as if it had ceased throbbing against your chest. What is it that has caused your lungs to prevent the air from sneaking in? Why did his voice fall so heavy upon you? Why did it burn so acutely within you?
You stood there without moving a muscle, attempting to find a word of apology, but then you realized that even that won’t be of any help. You moved backwards with slow steps until being able to reach the door knob, and before you opened it, you looked at him with eyes drowned in sorrow and you said to him: “I… I’ll… I’ll be going now.” You opened the door and stepped over the threshold, still looking at his back that was facing you, and you continued speaking: “Thank you, Vincent… for everything. I was helpless out there… but you were present for me… so… thank you.” You stepped outside and closed the door slowly, gradually veiling his tall frame from your sight.

   You placed your cold hand against the closed door and stood in your place silently, while unexplained feelings were circling endlessly inside of you. “I’m sorry…” you whispered and you turned away, starting to run aimlessly farther away from the old shack where Vincent was. You didn’t know why you were running, but you couldn’t simply stop, although the muscles of your body hurt so badly with every move you made. Uncontrollably, fluid crystals began escaping your glittering eyes into the cold air as you continued running toward the unknown destination.

   The thick layer of tears that had coated your orbs was blurring your sight, so you tried to wipe them with the fabric of your sleeve, only clearing the place for some more tears to rush their way and settle on your eyes. You squeezed your eyes shut and consequently your pace slowed down, then your feet began to totter and your steps to tumble until you lost control of the weight of your body and you fell to your knees, with your hands landing on the damp dirt of the ground. You bent your head downwards, with your eyes still shut, and you let the hot tears fall from between your wet eyes-lashes down to the dorsa of your quivering hands. You started weeping and sobbing; you couldn’t remember a time when you had cried so bitterly the way you did that day. Nothing could exceed the agony of your body in severity and intensity more than the screaming torment of your soul. “Why… why did it end up this way?”

**********


   Your weary feet wandered around, following a path that seemed to have no end to it, while tucking your freezing hands into the pockets of your fleece jacket in order to keep them from the heavy chill of that early morning. It has been a while since the rain has stopped pouring, but the atmosphere was still saturated with smell of the cool heavenly drops and the ground was fully wetted after a long night of non-stop downpour.

   You kept walking until reaching the top a hill which overlooked the wide barren land. How strange this place is! No matter how many times and how hard it’d rain, this wilderness will forever be arid and deserted.

   At the far border of the wasteland situated the large city of Midgar, with its tall buildings that stood before the glorious sunrise. The sun shone brightly over that faraway horizon, emitting golden rays across the morning sky and painting splendid hues of pink, orange and yellow that merged with the many clouds that have scattered throughout the firmament. The cold breeze caressed the delicate skin of your face and danced freely with your hair that glowed beautifully against the golden light. You closed your eyes and inhaled the fresh air into your lungs upon feeling moderately peaceful after a long inner conflict that has lasted for quite some time.

   You walked down the hill, occasionally leaning on the few rocks that stood your way in attempt to keep support of your weak body, while avoiding the many puddles of water and mud that filled the thirsty ground. You walked and walked, setting your sights on reaching the city that lied way ahead, but it felt as if you haven’t moved the smallest step closer to your destination. You were hungry, thirsty, and your body was aching for some rest, but you refused to give into this agonizing trauma. You had to get home, safe, no matter the cost.

   The autumn sun was slowly ascending toward the heart of the sky, yet its golden rays were not sufficient to cast off the freezing chill of that morning. The entire deserted land was dominated by an absolute silence, barely disturbed by the whistling wind and the arrhythmic contact of your heels with the wet soil. This silence that had lasted for so long had much of a contribution to your nuisance, and that’s saying something since you are by nature a lover of silence. But this was not the case… you hated that silence; however, you had to grow accustomed to it, for it was going to accompany you for the whole time required to reach the outskirts of the city… so you thought. As much as you have wished for this silence to end, you were so going to regret even having that wish crossing your mind! You thought you were alone in this void, but in fact you weren’t.

   You suddenly heard an unidentified noise in the background, as your agitated senses moved you to turn around and inspect the source of those unknown sounds. ‘Vincent?’ you thought. But no… you found no one… nothing; the area was totally clear… no sign of anything or anyone that could endanger your life.

   After carefully scanning your surroundings using both your eyes and ears – could be the rustling of some dry leaves, or the wind… or simply my imagination, you thought – you turned around and resumed heading toward your destination. That was when it returned to your ears, that same vague sound again, so you whipped your head to look behind to find, once again, nothing. This time though, you couldn’t manage to ignore those weird noises and continue walking your way, when another sound sprang into the air, setting the chill in your spine and congealing the very blood in your veins. A loud howl echoed through the empty space and perched heavily not only in your ears but also on your chest, causing the breath to hitch in your throat and making it impossible for your lungs to take the air in. Panic started climbing across your chest and a massive pressure began thumping into your head, although you haven’t even known what that horrific sound was or where it came from. Your eyes roamed around the place, trying to locate the source of that yowl. Whatever made that sound… it must be somewhere nearby!

   Your mind was telling you to break away and start running on the spur of that moment, but your body refused to react… it has literally frozen in place, unable to make the slightest movement. You glanced around with eyes drowned in fear, until they caught a glimpse of a mysterious form that stood at the peak of the hill which you had recently descended. You lifted your head up and gazed at the dark silhouette that was positioned in a fair contrast with the bright sky in the background, and you had to look through narrowed eyes in order to examine the nature of what stood in the distance. It wasn’t long before you had realized the inexorable danger that was glaring down right at you. It shifted its surprisingly noticeable red eyes to threaten you, a big and terrifying Guard Hound that had seized the atmosphere with its intimidating presence, with solid body and muscly legs, not forgetting the menacing tentacle that wagged on top of the animal’s back.

   The breath that once hung in your throat suddenly increased in pace, and your heart which had almost ceased throbbing finally began pounding violently against your ribcage. The frightening creature let out a growl which echoes have succeeded in reaching your ears even from a fair distance, then it howled again, declaring you as the next fatalistic prey.

   With your shocked eyes still fixed on the hungry creature, you moved your hand to your side where you’d usually hang your katana, aiming for the hilt so that you could pull the weapon and defend your life with it, but unfortunately for you – it was not found at hand; swords were made so that you could defend yourself with, right? You always had it fixed on your side, why not now?! You were mentally slapping yourself hard. All that time spent, practicing with Zack, mastering the art of swords and working so hard to become stronger, just so that you would forget to bring your sword at a time when you needed it the most! Speak of irony!

   Your only way to survive then was to cut your losses and run as fast as your feet could take you. But the Hound had no intentions whatsoever of letting you escape its deadly claws, so it hopped like a shot from the rocky ground where it was standing and it hurled down the inclined side of the hill, while its threatening eyes were targeting you.
You ran at full speed, although knowing of the terrible state of your pained body. It ached all over; however, you have preferred that physical agony to the torture of the beast’s fangs threading into your flesh.

   But despite the great effort that you have put into running for your life away from that raging beast, the strong legs of the Hound picked up the pace and it kept on chasing you with an incomparable speed, eventually shortening the distance between the two of you. In a matter of very little amount of time, it was right behind you, following your every step as its heavy paws hit the ground, making it almost quake under your feet. You became completely out of breath in no time, and you could feel your whole body running out of energy; however, it was neither the time nor the place to slow down. God! God, help me!

   You panted, and panted... You were acquainted with the fact that there existed no one in this desolate place who could rescue you from this inevitable fate, but your throat couldn’t help screaming and crying in despair. You were very much certain also that the hideous monster was following you closely, aiming to pierce your skin using its sharp claws, but you – instinctively and controlled by terror – turned your head to quickly glance at the predator from the corner of your eye, not noting how unwise that really was.

   Ignoring the tortuous land that lied in front of you while quailing for this misfortune of yours, you suddenly tripped over a stone and fell flat on your face, causing for some more painful grazes to form on your visage and arms. However, your awareness of the inevitable danger that hasn’t ceased fastening on you was much stronger than the pain resulted by that terrible fall, so you whipped your head to the direction of the carnivorous beast and you looked at it with eyes widened in shock.

   The Guard Hound was only some numbered feet away from you, when it jumped quickly using its strong hind legs while it stretched its forelegs toward you, revealing their long and unnerving claws. The beast opened its mouth wide, readying its pointy teeth to feed on your tender flesh while shooting a baleful roar. You screamed and shut your eyes closed, holding your head with both your arms, as if they, by any means possible were going to protect you from that hateful fate. Is this it?! Is this the end?!


To Be Continued…
Reader x Vincent Valentine 
Chapter IV

No description to be added, whatsoever! You know all my babbling, so I'm not gonna say anything. Period. 
© 2014 - 2024 TD-Yukiryuu
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BlackButlerRuleZ's avatar
omggggg im actually cryyyiiing!!! this is so goood!!